I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
