epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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