I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
A+ Viking dick
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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