Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
