Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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