When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
