Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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