Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
