Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
