You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
