I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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