shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
