Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
