I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
