So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
