from now on my penis is your penis
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
