It's Friday. Sex?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
