I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
