sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
