definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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