yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
