Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
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