My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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