my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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