he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
