Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
