Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
