Im at strip club and am horny
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
