My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
