What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
