I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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