i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
