Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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