You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize