You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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