Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize