How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is Oprah even human
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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