well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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