just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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