wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
