i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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