so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
