What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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