Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
