dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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