Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
