Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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