Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
