He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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