I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
