Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
