you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
