its not stalking. its research.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
