I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize