handjob tips. give me some.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
