FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize