he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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