I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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