I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my being single is dangerous.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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