Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
there's paper in my vomit.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Randomize
