So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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