i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
