You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
high people should be assigned attendants
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Two words: nipple clamps
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