You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
