So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
