Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize