I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
