haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
