Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
