If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
