he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
