Rock
Scissors
Fuck
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
