please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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