Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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