my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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