Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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