Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
operation harelip BJ is a go
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
They took my balls.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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