This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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