I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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