so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I was not drunk enough for that final.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
