the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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