hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm jealous of your bromance
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
